The Fruit of the Nonviolent Communication

by Mark Votava


Nonviolent communication is something that I have been learning in the past several years as I live in my local community of Downtown Tacoma.  It has been one of the most life transforming practices for me as I have struggled with the way I communicate with others.  I wish that I would have been aware of this practice many years ago, but life is a journey of serenity as I learn and unlearn so many things that support my own interior growth.

  • Connecting with others out of vulnerability

The fruit of nonviolent communication is in the way it teaches us to connect with others in a vulnerable way without judgment, blame and aggressive demands.  It teaches us to make observations without judgement, take responsibility for our feelings, become aware of our needs and make a request of someone else without demanding anything.

  • Essential for authentic connection with others

This is absolutely essential for authentic connection with others.  So many of our problems in community come from our lack of healthy communication in everyday life.  We are not aware of our feelings and needs so we resort to judgment and blame while demanding our way.

  • Taking responsibility for our feelings

Taking responsibility for our feelings is a life changing practice.  Nonviolent communication teaches that no one makes us feel anything and we must identify how we are feeling without blaming our feelings on someone else.  I can’t say you made me feel this way.  That is not taking responsibility for my feelings.

  • Becoming aware of my feelings and needs

When I take responsibility of my feelings this helps me to communicate out of what I am needing without demanding something from others.  I simply become aware of my feelings and needs without shame, guilt or judgment.  It is so good for us to know what we are feeling and needing in any given situation we find ourselves in.

  • Nonviolent communication is a peaceful way to live

It is not selfish to know your needs and communicate them in a respectful way to others.  When our needs do not get met, we eventually become angry and resentful which leads us to violent acts of gossip, slander and bitterness.  Nonviolent communication is a much more peaceful way to live.  I believe it represents the way of Jesus in the twenty-first century.

  • Jesus was a nonviolent person

Maybe this is how Jesus communicated so long ago.  I do not think that Jesus judged anyone, blamed anyone or demanded anything of anyone.  He just communicated his feelings and needs to others while making concrete requests.  Jesus was a nonviolent person and I think we are called to follow in this way of peaceful serenity.

  •  Finding solidarity with one another

If we practiced nonviolent communication there would be no war, violence and murder.  Our world could listen more deeply.  We could find solidarity with one another.  The hated and systems of oppression would stop.  People could learn that their true self is compassion and love, not violence and hatred.

  • Bearing the fruit of love

Nonviolent communication could bear the fruit of love among us.  We could live more peaceful, sustainable lives in our local community.  Reconciliation could characterize our relationships with one another.  Nonviolent communication could lead us to a happier life where we are not so disconnected and alienated from one another.

What do you think of nonviolent communication?